188

There are 47 complete stories inside 188. Here’s one of them!

“Bank Robbery“
by Andrew Michael Flynn

                “Betsy,” Lynda said. “You’re not going to believe how damn much our power bill was this month.”

                Betsy put her book down and sat up from her reclined position that she was in on their couch. “Hun, if it’s any more than two and a quarter, I’ve got bad news for ya, I can’t pay it this month.”

                “Dammit all,” Lynda said, annunciating her frustration through her cursing. “I can’t believe how this power company is completely screwing us on something they call ‘delivery charge’ or whatever that it’s supposed to be.

                Betsy scrunched into the couch, feeling Lynda’s pain, but also her own. “Ugh, I knew I should have been looking for a job before today,” she said.

                Lynda caught the irony. “But you ain’t looking for a job at all right now,” she said.

                “I’ve got it,” Betsy said. “Let’s go knock off that branch inside the supermarket down on the corner. I know they’ve got stacks of cash in their safe.”

                “And you want to go rob a bank to pay your power bill?”

                “You’ve got a better idea?”

***

                Lynda and Betsy were a collective disaster getting out of their old Buick after having parked it on the other side of the grocery store near the service entrance.

                “I asked you a question, and I get a question back, now I’m about to rob a bank,” Lynda said to Betsy as she got her black ski mask on.

                “I’m just glad we were able to pick these masks up at the Ski N’ Shop without arousin’ any suspicion,” Betsy said. “It was probably buying that gum with the masks that threw them off.”

                “Yeah, probably.”

                “Alright, girl, you got your knife ready?”

                “I do. Both of our knives is nice and sharp. Case anyone messes with us on the way to getting that cash we need.”

                With that, the two desperate women of indeterminate age proceeded through the front doors of the grocery store and veered directly to the right in order to enter the bank branch.

                “Everybody get on the ground!” Betsy commanded.

                “Yeah, and no one’ll get hurt!” Lynda followed. “We just came for money, so we’ll be out your way in a moment.”

***

                Within five seconds of the ladies’ heist declaration, every single person inside and outside of proximity to the branch had hit the ground and covered their heads.

                “Wow, this is going well so far, Bets,” Lynda said.

                “I know, right?” Betsy said. “Let’s get this done, girl. You, guy in the tie. You’re the manager, so get us one of those laundry bags with a big green dollar sign on it, right now!”

                “Ma’am, I’ll help and get you anything you want, but we don’t have those,” said the bank manager.

                “Then improvise, or I’ll slit yer throat with this here sharp knife,” Lynda said.

                “Yeah, yeah, right, improvise, somebody go get a ton of those plastic sacks over at the check-out lanes, and start filling them up. We got a plane to catch.”

                “Yeah, a plane to catch,” Betsy parroted. “To Mexico by way of the Tahiti Islands. Woo, girl, we’re going to get to start a new life with all this cash.”

                During this back-and-forth, the bank manager had pressed the red panic button under the counter, sending authorities zooming towards the store.

***

                “Bets,” Lynda whimpered. “There’s cops outside and I’m about to wet myself.”

                “Cops!” Betsy screamed. “Who called them on us? I bet it was some asshole who probably just left the store and heard us hollering about. Man, do we have some bad luck. First that power bill, now the Po-Po.”

                “Straighten up, Bets, we didn’t do too much bad yet. We can say we was messin’ around with them.”

                “With sharp-ass knives and ski masks? I think a judge’ll throw us under the jail, Lynda.”

                “Ladies, go ahead and freeze right there,” a tall officer called out from 20 feet away.

                Both Lynda and Betsy looked at him for a quick second and threw down their knives.

                “You’re both under arrest,” said the officer. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m Sergeant Collins, please stay with where you are. This’ll be wrapped up in a moment. Thank you all for your cooperation. Gomie, cuff these women.”

                As Detective Gomez cuffed both of the foiled bank robbers, the stench of fresh urine began to fill the room.

                “I toldja I’d wet myself. Betsy, we need a lawyer. What a garbage day.”

###

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